When I first became a parent, I was overwhelmed by the immense responsibility of shaping a young life. As my children grew, so did my desire to be a better parent. I read books, listened to podcasts, sought advice from more experienced parents, and soaked up all the information I could to help me succeed—things I’m still doing as I continue my parenting journey. In all of this, one of the most impactful principles I came across, which completely transformed my parenting approach, was the growth mindset.
Having a growth mindset—a term coined by psychologist Carol Dweck—refers to the belief that abilities and intelligence can be developed through dedication and hard work, and by appreciating disappointments as learning opportunities. This concept revolutionized my perspective on parenting and helped me to be a better parent. Here is what that looks like in three significant areas:
Giving Praise
One of the first changes I made was in how I validated my children. Previously, I found myself saying things like, “You’re so smart!” whenever one of my kids achieved something notable. While these words were well-intentioned, I realized they emphasized innate talent over effort—suggesting that my children were successful because they had a gift not because they had worked hard.
This kind of praise was problematic, because it took away my children’s ability to impact their own success. If you’re born with a special gift for doing well in school, good for you! But if you’re not? The growth mindset teaches that you are not out of luck. Whether or not you are inherently good at something, you can improve upon your abilities through diligent effort and practice.
By shifting my language to focus on hard work and strategies, I am helping foster a growth mindset in my children. Now I say, “You worked really hard on this, and it shows!” This not only motivates my kids to keep trying but also empowers them through teaching that effort is the key to improvement and success.
Responding to Struggles
Embracing a growth mindset also changed how I respond to my children’s struggles. Instead of expressing disappointment or irritation when they don’t meet expectations, I view these moments as opportunities for growth and connection. When my son gets upset because he can’t draw a train “just right” or when my daughter is struggling to finish a puzzle on her own, I don’t just focus on the results. Instead, I acknowledge their frustration, highlight their efforts, and encourage them to keep trying.
“That is so frustrating when you can’t find the right puzzle piece! You have been working so hard and have put together so many of the pieces so far. Let’s take a deep breath together and try again. I bet that you will find the right piece if you keep looking.”
This approach has had a profound impact on my relationship with my kids. They have felt more supported and less fearful of making mistakes. They have begun to see challenges as chances to learn rather than insurmountable obstacles. This shift in mindset has not only helped my children become more resilient but also deepened our bond. It’s made me realize that being a better parent isn’t about shielding my children from failure but equipping them with the tools to overcome it.
Providing a Model
Another aspect of the growth mindset that has helped me be a better parent is the idea of modeling. Children often emulate their parents’ attitudes and behaviors. Recognizing this, I make a conscious effort to demonstrate a growth mindset in my own life. Whether I am tackling a difficult project at work or learning a new skill, I work to openly share my experiences with my children. I say things like, “This is tough, but I’m going to keep working at it,” or “I made a mistake, but I’m learning from it.” By showing my kids that I too face challenges and persist through them, I reinforce the values of perseverance and resilience.
Furthermore, the growth mindset has encouraged me to create a home environment that celebrates learning and curiosity. My kids know that in our home, it’s okay to ask questions, it’s okay to make mistakes, it’s okay to try new things, it’s okay to feel uncomfortable, and it’s okay to explore. Working to develop and practice these beliefs as a family has helped us foster a love for learning and has shown my children that education is a lifelong journey. Experiencing each of these things alongside my kids has helped me to be a better parent by strengthening our connection and encouraging a culture of mutual growth and support.
Incorporating the growth mindset into my parenting also has helped me manage my own expectations and emotions. Parenting is a continuous learning process, filled with successes and setbacks. Embracing a growth mindset allows me to be more patient and compassionate with myself. I recognize that just like my children, I too am capable of growth and improvement. This self-compassion has been crucial in my journey to be a better parent.
Conclusion
Learning about the growth mindset has profoundly impacted my ability to be a better parent. It has reshaped how I praise, support, and interact with my children. By focusing on effort, resilience, and continuous learning, I help foster a positive and supportive environment that encourages growth for both my children and myself. As parents, we all strive to be better, and embracing the growth mindset is a powerful tool to help us achieve that goal.
Check out HRC’s healthy relationship workshops for more information on how you can be a better parent, partner, and co-worker.