Because relationships are complex, even the strongest couples can encounter challenges that strain their connection and commitment. Recognizing when you might need some extra relationship help will allow you and your partner to build and maintain a healthy, loving connection over time. Below are eight signs that could indicate it’s time to seek guidance or support in your relationship.
1. Your Parents’ Relationship Struggled
The success of our adult relationships can be heavily influenced by what we see modeled for us growing up. If you were raised in an environment where your parents’ relationship was fraught with conflict, mistrust, or emotional distance, you might find yourself subconsciously replicating these patterns in your own relationship. Recognizing this influence is the first step toward breaking the cycle, and relationship help is available! Relationship Education and/or couples therapy can help provide the tools needed to heal from past traumas, establish healthier patterns, and improve your relationship dynamics.
2. You’re Experiencing Change in Your Life
Life is full of changes—new jobs, moving to a new city, the birth of a child, or the loss of a loved one. According to a study by Holmes and Rahe (1967), even positive life changes can cause stress, which in turn can affect your relationship. Major life transitions can disrupt established routines and create uncertainty, leading to misunderstandings and tension between partners. If you’re going through a significant change and notice that your connection is suffering as a result, seeking relationship help can ensure that you navigate this period together rather than drift apart.
3. You’re Managing a Lot of Stress
In addition to stress related to momentous life changes, everyday pressures can accumulate and strain your relationship. When one or both partners are under significant stress, whether related to work, finances, personal issues, etc., it can lead to irritability, decreased patience, and reduced emotional availability. This often results in increased conflict and a sense of disconnection between partners. Chronic stress also can cause partners to withdraw from one another, leading to feelings of isolation. Couples counseling or stress-management techniques can be invaluable in helping partners support each other during stressful times.
4. You Don’t Trust Your Partner
Healthy and happy relationships require a foundation of trust between partners. If you find yourself constantly doubting your partner’s honesty, fidelity, or intentions, it may be a sign that you’re in need of relationship help. A lack of trust can stem from past experiences, both within the current relationship and in previous ones. It also can be a result of ongoing issues such as dishonesty, infidelity, or unmet expectations. In their book The 7 Principles of Making Marriage Work, relationship researchers Gottman and Silver explain that trust is built through consistent, reliable behavior over time, but once broken, it can be challenging to restore. Rebuilding trust often requires open communication, transparency, and sometimes professional support.
5. You Struggle with Vulnerability
Being vulnerable is essential for emotional intimacy, which is a key aspect of deep connection between partners. If you find it difficult to open up, share your feelings, or express your needs, it can create a barrier between you and your partner. Vulnerability allows for deeper connection and understanding, but it also can be frightening, especially if you fear rejection or judgment. If you’re struggling with vulnerability, it might be helpful to explore why that is and how you can become more comfortable with it. A therapist can provide a safe space to discuss these fears and help you develop the confidence to be more open with your partner.
6. You Feel Like You’ve Fallen Out of Love
It’s not uncommon for the initial passion in a relationship to fade over time, but if you feel like you’ve fallen out of love with your partner, it could be a sign that your relationship needs attention. Love is not just a feeling; it’s a choice and an action that requires effort from both partners.
According to psychologist Robert Sternberg’s Triangular Theory of Love, love is composed of intimacy, passion, and commitment. If one or more of these components are lacking, the relationship may suffer. Reigniting the spark in your relationship often involves re-establishing emotional intimacy, spending quality time together, and actively working on your connection. Consider attending a program like HRC’s R3 Academy for Couples for expert guidance in these areas.
7. You and Your Partner Frequently Fight
Disagreements are a normal part of any relationship, but if you and your partner find yourselves in constant conflict, it could indicate underlying issues that need to be addressed. Frequent fighting can be a sign of unresolved resentment, poor communication, or mismatched expectations. Healthy conflict resolution involves listening to your partner, expressing your feelings without blame, and working together to find a solution. If you struggle to resolve conflicts constructively, couples therapy and Relationship Education are both excellent options to provide strategies for improving your communication and reducing the frequency of fights.
8. You’ve Lost Connection with Your Partner
Feeling disconnected from your partner is a common issue in long-term relationships. Over time, the demands of daily life, work, and family can lead to emotional distance. If you find yourself longing for a deeper connection with your partner, it may be a sign that your relationship needs more attention. Reconnecting with your partner involves prioritizing quality time, being present during your interactions, and engaging in activities that you both enjoy. Studies have shown that couples who regularly engage in shared activities and express appreciation for each other tend to have stronger, more satisfying relationships. Seeking relationship help to reignite your connection can strengthen your bond and bring you closer together.
Conclusion
Recognizing the signs that your relationship needs help is the first step toward strengthening your bond with your partner. Whether it’s dealing with past influences, managing stress, or rebuilding trust, addressing these issues can lead to a healthier, more fulfilling relationship. Remember, seeking relationship help is not a sign of failure but a proactive step toward ensuring the longevity and happiness of your relationship.